I don't say it.. I write it...

Today was a relief. I talked to my cousin about her admiration to someone and i was afraid that she wouldn't like talking about it. My big mouth however, got ahead of me. Unwillingly, I said something implying that i know something. Just as i said it, i clamped my mouth shut and awaited her response. I was nervous for a second there that we were going to have an *awkward* moment... And that was one of the things i do not want happening, especially with my cousin. Thankfully, her contagious laugh told me that she was okay that i knew. (I guess she is, though i'm not sure at all) She laughed about my jokes and i knew she didn't mind me knowing. Although, i can't help but wonder, if it was really okay that i knew. And so, a few minutes later, i told her my admiration to someone so that we could seem even that we know a few things about our admirations. We laughed it off in the end and i was relieved. 


But honestly, i wasn't just thinking about having an *awkward* moment. Though, it was part of it. I was thinking more about us both having a conversation we could both answer to and protect each other with. You know, just to strengthen our sisterhood. And i thought knowing a few personal things about each other would be my first step. 


Why am i doing this?


It's just because, under the circumstances, she's going to be moving to our city. That just makes me joyful. It's because i want to be there when she needs someone. I wanna be there when someone bothers her. I wanna be there to kick the shins of the boys who breaks her heart. I wanna be the one who she come's to when she wants to tell me something. Bottom line is, i just wanna be there for her. Our age gap's pretty far, but that doesn't stop close sisters right? But if she might not like what i'm hoping for, i would still understand. I'll understand for the sake of keeping the sister i never had. 


I hope i didn't sound to clingy there. 


She might read this i'm afraid. But then, at the same time, i want to know what she truthfully thinks. And if you're ever going to comment, my dearest cousin, i hope, after you read this, you act like you've never ever, ever, read this post. Just so to avoid having some unwanted gap in our sisterhood. :) Comment as an anonymous if you dont want people knowing that you're the cousin im talking about :)


But then, if you want nothing to do with this at all... Well then, I understand. :) If we ever see each other, oh please! act like you read nothing! :D




rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger