Angered Secrets & Mistakes

My mother is never sure whether i'm lying or not... She doesn't tell me this but i could sense it.. Don't ask me how because i don't know either.. I guess i could just feel it in my instincts... 


She used to tell me that "A secret cannot stay a secret for too long..." She tells me this when she thinks i'm keeping something from her. Though for me, it's all about hiding it really well.. Some people look like they have no secret/s at all. Truth is, no matter how big or small, all of us has secrets... Every person in the whole universe has one ... It's up to you as to how you're going to hide it.. Some people tell their's to one or two people because they "think" they trust them.. Though, to tell you the truth there is only very few people you could trust about your secret.. And it's pretty hard to find them... 


Yes, if you would actually notice, i am speaking from experience.. Once i told a friend of mine about a secret of mine that no one was supposed to know. Foolish i know, but then i had an urge to tell even just one person, and unfortunately the person i involuntarily told was my big mouthed "friend".. (if you even call her a friend) The certain urge i had was when i felt i would explode if  i kept my secret too long inside me. That was what my mother meant when she told me that a secret would never stay secret for too long.. I hated to say she was right though. I told my friend my hard kept secret through the phone.. Yes, you read it right, through the phone! I was too desperate to care about who i was telling my certain secret about because the feelings i had inside me was ready to explode.. I felt the need to tell even just one soul about what i have been keeping inside... And fate was just too cruel.. For the "friend" i told my secret to was a blabber.. People can't see that she is, but then i observe well.. I memorize her every move and know from the start that she couldn't keep a secret (juicy or not) inside her for too long. Her "sickness" was that contagious.. I didn't even know why i even became friends with her.. Regret was what i felt. You might be wondering as to why i totally regretted being friends with her..


I was on the phone with her one day, when i asked her if she wanted to know something about me.. She eagerly said yes and i could feel her excitement growing on the phone... I told her what i was keeping to myself for so long.. After i did, all she did was sound really surprised...she tried to hide it but i noticed that she couldn't help but feel a little excited too.. Excited why? Probably because she thought she was about to spread a gossip that would leave people's mouths open.. And to think, what i was keeping in me wasn't "juicy" at all.. it wasn't about something people wouldn't expect from a person like me... My secret was something from the past about my family problems. It was all done and i just needed someone to tell it to.. After i told her about it, i realized what i had done.. I then pulled out a really buy-able lie so that she would think my secret was not true at all.. And i was right, she bought what i told her and believed me... I was that a good of a liar.. It was either that, or she was just that stupid... Harsh i know, but then i needed to do it or else i wouldn't hear the end of it.. I just knew that if i hadn't pulled out that lie to let her think that my "secret" wasn't real, she would use it against me.. 


How did i know this? Easy.. She did this to one of my closest friends.. And i obviously didn't want to be the next victim...


And so that was how i learned from a mistake that i did and kept everything i was feeling inside a box. And during the times when i felt like i would explode.. Instead of blabbing the feelings i have about the world just like what i did before.. I get mad easily.. That's how i put out all the things i feel... It's either i blab, or get mad.. And from what i have experienced before, i learned how to choose the latter. Sadly after all, what choice do i have left?


rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger