Monday, May 30, 2011

Go on.. Continue your bickering..

Torture.

Im listening to my parents arguing through the phone. Its sucks a lot... I hate it. Its because my mom could be.. lets say, tough too much sometimes. And my dad, he bad at explaining clearly. Dammit. They could go on for hours.

Shit.

I think my mom just hanged up on my dad.

Life sucks.

its my mom's 50th birthday on thursday, and this is how they start it?

Welcome to my life then.

More...

There's a reason why i love fantasy books just too much...

Angels, demons, vampires, faeries, wizards. Anything that actually spells fantasy, i would read. There's a reason behind all this.. addiction i have. To other peoples eyes, im just a book geek. But to me, there's a much more deeper meaning to it. When i grab a book, i dont just simply read. I live in the book. I dont want to sound cliche at all, no. Its just, theres a wanting in me, to simply escape the world; And escape all the pain, the foolishness and immaturity. Even for just a little while, and live the life i really want. Im not saying that im not thankful for the life i have now, i really am. But, theres something inside me, wanting... more. I want more, action. I want more, mysteries. I want more, romance. I just simply want more. I know im just 12 and im speaking all too soon. But, i dont know how to explain this, its like the only thing happening in your life is constant or i guess you could say, planned. You go to school, pass pre-school, grade school, high school then you finally reach college. You get a job then its either you have a successful life or a broken relationship with someone you love. You get me? Its like following schedules or routines, and heck, i dont want to follow the routines. I want to switch
paths... I want a life that no other person thinks actually exists. I want change in my life when i turn into my teens. And that change i hope, turns into the fantasy life i desperately want. Call me dellusional, i dont really care. I believe in what i believe and no one could change that. What i know is, soon, ill have the life i only read in my books.


In the meantime, ill just be thankful with the things i have today and my family with me. In the meantime, ill keep reading.

Empty House, Empty Home

Our house feels torturingly empty.

It hurts. One by one, I watched as my loved ones left home. My father, my aunt, our housekeeper and my cousins. I can't say i didn't
see this happening, but i can't say im prepared either. Although, these farewells actually has changed me. Changed me how, i dont exactly know. But then i know that i became much responsible and stronger than i

really am.


rogue up,
-RoguishBlogger

Why Me?

Why is everyone so keen into leaving me?

It's so sad. This probably has got to be my saddest weekend ever. I don't exactly know what to feel anymore. First came my father, then my aunt and cousins, and there goes my closest cousin going to college. And as if my life couldn't get anymore sadder, our housekeeper has to leave too. She left just because of a bloody remark. She left just because my mother reprimanded her about her laziness. She has to be told about how she's doing right? So we didn't do anything wrong there. I'm starting to think she's actually pregnant. I mean, who leaves her job just because her boss told her that she's become lazy. And before you get anymore ideas, no, my mother did not say it to hurt her feelings. My mom just had to tell her so that she could change for the better. We were actually close, this one. We don't talk about everything, but.. we talk. You get me? And what hurts the most actually is that she and my mother were really close too. Even closer than we are truthfully. And even as embarrasing as this sounds, i once got jealous of her closeness with my mom. And then, there she goes, going away with no apparent reason at all.

And you know what really kills me?

She didn't say goodbye to me.


rogue up,
-Roguishblogger

Saturday, May 28, 2011

See you a little while later..

I haven't been active lately.

And the reason is that there's a lot going on. (actually thats a BIG understatement) There's a lot on my mind that i actually want to share and blog about. I just can't seem to know where to start... So, you probably won't hear from me lately because i can't organize which to blog about first and what next. And besides, school's starting again and being a seventh grader, im probably going to be a lot busy... But no, i wont abandon this blog. Im just going to fix myself for a while. And know exactly what to share to you people reading. (If there even is :)) So yeah, thats it. Bye for now. 


rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Creepy stares..

yeah, that's me.. My eyes are creepy, i know.. ;)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Mirrors...

Its a rearview mirror in our car :D


My eye is kind of distracting ain't it? :D


Picture me.

Guess you could say im addicted with cameras.. :D

My hand sucks.. :P

Yeah, I got black nailpolish... :D but i'll erase it soon though, it's not allowed in my school ;)

Reflect me


Its a reflection of my camera to our  laptop.. cool eh? :D


Robotic Camera

I just took a picture of some of my necklaces out of boredom :D

Friday, May 20, 2011

Weep for me.

I dont exactly know what i should feel with airports.

At first i thought, i should love airports. I say it's because it's where we get to the people we love no matter how far. It's where we go to places we want to discover more. But after today, I just dont know what to feel anymore. Today's one of the days i dreaded. Today we brought one of my closest relatives (my aunt and my two other cousins) to the airport. They're going home. They're going back to our province, where they really live. And so then i thought, how the heck could i love airports when it's how families get so far with each other? I got so confused with myself.


The goodbyes were said, and the tears flowed. However, what surprised me was that i spilled very few tears only. I even covered them  with a fake smile. Just to show them i wasn't exactly crying. To be honest, i want to cry. I want to bawl my eyes out actually. But as i saw  the persons i love crying, i felt like i should be the one that remained strong; if not stoic. I keep telling myself to hold my tears. I'll cry hard when no one's looking. I'll cry later on when everyone's asleep.

You might think im really over reacting. But if you only knew how much close i am with my extended family, you'll understand me. The truth is, im not only crying for my relatives. Im crying for my father too. He left with the airport. Off to earn a living for us abroad, again.Yes, im holding my tears for days now. I just want to be strong you know. I want to keep strong for my sad mom and closest cousin. Even if i am just one person. I'll cry when i feel like it's time to soften. I'll cry when no one's crying anymore. I'll cry when i know my loved
ones are strong enough to stand still by themselves. When its my turn.. That's when i'll cry.
 


rogue up,
-RoguishBlogger

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Im 12. Young and dreaming.

There are just some times when i just really want to escape reality. i guess that explains the way i grasp on the books i read and the movies i watch.
We watched Thor today. And like every other movie i watch, i was moved. I was moved by the story. I was struck by the possibility that, the things that happened in Thor, could happen in my life too. I was craving for surreal things happening. I thirst for fantasy in my reality. These things happen all the time. After i watched Thor, i kept silent and pretended to be asleep at the car. But the truth was, i was thinking about what could have had happen in the movie. To be honest, i wasn't really satisfied with it's ending. I've always wanted
movies to end with their love teams together. But then, with this one, they didn't. It ended with them missing each other and the whole message portraying about not losing hope cause they'll meet again and all that. If you know what i mean. But no worries, I won't be spoiling anymore though.


Its just that, sometimes, i just get tired of living my kind of life. I get this feeling, the feeling of wanting the adventure to experience things an ordinary person wouldnt imagine. Like having a love story with a vampire, like living a life with a wizard, like having to experience the last  8 minutes of another person's life using your soul, like dwelling into dream after dream, like living in the world you yourself created, and having to get the chance to interact with people from other realms. Im talking about those kinds of adventures. Call me dellusional but thats the way i just am. When my family hears this, they'd probably think that im not the brave kind of person. But i keep telling myself that i've always been ready. Im just waiting. Waiting for the time when ill have my turn.

At times, i get the pleasure of living the things i wanted in my dreams. (Other than reading and watching movies) Sometimes though, just like every other movie, my dream doesnt end the way i wanted. And so i close my eyes and try to dream again, and end it the way i wanted. That explains probably my wish, of being a book writer or a director of a movie. Right now, at age 12, im just holding on to reality while i still can. But deep inside i know, my story will end the way i want it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

It's gonna be another year..

Finally! I was suppose to post this last night but then there was a problem in my blog... I couldn't post anything at all... The picture of a clock just kept moving in the area where i was supposed to type my post... But, luckily now, I finally got in :D


I'm coming home from my vacation tomorrow and i'm supposed to pack my bags now. But then i just thought, what the heck.. I'll do that later... I better take advantage of the time i have left with the wifi available before going home to a no wifi area.. :D but please, dont ever get me wrong... I love our house, that's why i even call it home.. it's just that, with me being an only child, it gets pretty boring.. So yeah, im just taking advantage of the time i have left with the wifi around :D 


But on the plus side, im coming home with my beloved cousins! Yep, all of em! That makes me more excited than ever... And even more, i much excited to see my parents and housekeeper again! Haha, yeah, im pretty close with her.. Her laugh is so contagious.. I think there wasn't a day when she isn't smiling at all.. 


However, to point an obvious fact.. Summer's almost over.. :(( Another school year's going to start again and i'm a bit anxious to know what room im assigned with.. The last thing i wanna know is that im classmates with over-reacting people.. They just bring too much drama in class.... Although, some puts more excitement in my days, there are just some days where i've had enough of their attitudes when they act like they've got the biggest problem in the world when a boy just wouldn't talk to them.. 


But whatheheck, i don't think i really care anymore, all i know is that im coming home! Woohoo! :D I enjoyed my stay here in the province and i know i'll come back many times more.. 


Also, knowing that we dont have wifi at home, i might not be posting nonsense for a while.. but of course i'd still post soon... its not like i would never post again would i? ;) 


and so, bye for now! 


i must be off to pack my bags.. 


SAYONARA! (is that right? lol)


rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

Friday, May 6, 2011

Overexposed or what?

Another of those "models" from my photography class taken by me :)) Sorry, i think its overexposed...  

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Your friend, your enemy.


I can't say I'm afraid of death. But i can't say i'm not either. Or maybe i just feel a little bit of both.

When I was a bit younger than i am now, i use to avoid talking about death. 

Before, my mother used to warn me about being responsible and obedient. She uses my guilt to do as she says and i must admit, she scares me with what she says.. She makes me guilty by usually telling me to better start to get used to doing things on my own because i might never know when the Lord would take her. After she tells me that, i do every chore she gives to me and gives me a chuckle in exchange. However, to be truthful, i was so uncomfortable that time. I didn't want to talk about my mom sleeping forever actually. It was not my ideal topic. 

I talked to my mom and told her not to think that that Lord will take her too soon. She explained everything to me and i understood every bit that she said. 

From then on i knew, that death, was either your friend, or your enemy. It would take you when it knows that you've experienced enough of the evil in this world, and it would bring you wherever your supposed to be if it sees you've brought enough negative vibes in the world.

All i do is pray for me and my families safety. Although, i must admit, the word death still strikes a  nerve of mine. However, my mother told me to be strong enough get through it. And through her, i did.


rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I don't say it.. I write it...

Today was a relief. I talked to my cousin about her admiration to someone and i was afraid that she wouldn't like talking about it. My big mouth however, got ahead of me. Unwillingly, I said something implying that i know something. Just as i said it, i clamped my mouth shut and awaited her response. I was nervous for a second there that we were going to have an *awkward* moment... And that was one of the things i do not want happening, especially with my cousin. Thankfully, her contagious laugh told me that she was okay that i knew. (I guess she is, though i'm not sure at all) She laughed about my jokes and i knew she didn't mind me knowing. Although, i can't help but wonder, if it was really okay that i knew. And so, a few minutes later, i told her my admiration to someone so that we could seem even that we know a few things about our admirations. We laughed it off in the end and i was relieved. 


But honestly, i wasn't just thinking about having an *awkward* moment. Though, it was part of it. I was thinking more about us both having a conversation we could both answer to and protect each other with. You know, just to strengthen our sisterhood. And i thought knowing a few personal things about each other would be my first step. 


Why am i doing this?


It's just because, under the circumstances, she's going to be moving to our city. That just makes me joyful. It's because i want to be there when she needs someone. I wanna be there when someone bothers her. I wanna be there to kick the shins of the boys who breaks her heart. I wanna be the one who she come's to when she wants to tell me something. Bottom line is, i just wanna be there for her. Our age gap's pretty far, but that doesn't stop close sisters right? But if she might not like what i'm hoping for, i would still understand. I'll understand for the sake of keeping the sister i never had. 


I hope i didn't sound to clingy there. 


She might read this i'm afraid. But then, at the same time, i want to know what she truthfully thinks. And if you're ever going to comment, my dearest cousin, i hope, after you read this, you act like you've never ever, ever, read this post. Just so to avoid having some unwanted gap in our sisterhood. :) Comment as an anonymous if you dont want people knowing that you're the cousin im talking about :)


But then, if you want nothing to do with this at all... Well then, I understand. :) If we ever see each other, oh please! act like you read nothing! :D




rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

It is I again...

It's me again. Who else? Blogging very early in the morn'. As usual.   


I just find it amusing that almost all the posts i have are posted usually during early mornings. Usually 12-2 am. And i already fixed the time there. I guess you could say that i've gotten used to sleeping late. Actually, even before making this blog, i do sleep really late. I usually take lots of hours to sleep well. Before having this blog, i just stare at the ceiling above and see the plain walls beside me get darker as the night goes on. 


Right now, it's 1:48 am and my mind's completely blank. But i just keep on getting this feeling that i had to at least say something this morning. 


rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

Monday, May 2, 2011

Balancing Colors

This is one of the subjects i took a picture of at my teacher in photography's house

I adjusted the white balance in here so the difference between the two could be emphasized..

Sucks to be me tonight...


Real date written: May1 Sunday 1:13 am


Im sorry, but i just gotta say this...

F*ck my life!!!

This probably has to be one of my worst days ever... The stupid wifi connection isn’t working at all, and so you’re probably going to be reading this after my torturing night...

Torturing how?

Well, first of all, both of my legs hurt like hell... And i didn’t even run a marathon! I was slacking all day! Second of all, my nose is running... Gahd, it’s so hard to breathe...  Fourth, the wifi in my aunt’s house isn’t working... And worse, it chose to rest for the night! So that means, there’s nothing to keep me company at all... :(

Why do i need company?

Well, no one knows at all (except i guess, my cousin pauline and the people reading this) that i have sleeping problems... (and i actually slept yesterday at 6 –ish am when the sun was up. Proof here at my cousin’s blog>> http://spellpauline.blogspot.com) The more i try to sleep, the more awake i get.... So then i tried, keeping myself busy so that i could feel tired and eventually sleep, using the internet... BUT... None from those choices ever worked for me at all... They all result to me staying up all night unwillingly... I guess you could say that i sleep when my mind wants me too...But then right now, my mind is soo not letting me have my sleep... My body aches no but my mind works up a yes... I’ve tried telling my mom this, and all she gives me in reply is a weird look and an annoying laugh! Oh yes, she just laughs at me... She tells me to just stop my foolishness and sleep tight and well. As if, that’s possible.. Poor me right?

And so that brings us back to the present where i have my blood boiling because i have to endure a night full of tossing and turning on my cousin’s bed with nothing to do but to stare at the ceiling while i wait for my brain to fetch me and finally bring me to my La La Land.. Oh yes, i have my iTouch as a backup.... but then, come to think of it, how the heck could i use it without a freaking wifi connection!!! I do have my music to play to keep my ears occupied as well, but then, how about my eyes? They do need equal attention after all. And besides there are more things i wanna look at than plain ceilings and walls...

Sorry, i may have sounded too demanding for a minute there. However, whatever could i do? Nothing. Exactly. And so i guess, instead of sulking around, i thought just to express my freedoom (yes, you read it right: FREEDOOM) in my reliable blog :)

So, that’s it for tonight i guess... I hope you guys sleep tight and well... Sweet dreams :*



rogue up!
-RoguishBlogger

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I know i'm just lucky :)

Age is just a number :)

This could apply to almost everything... Talent, looks, love :)

And with love, it's just pretty much saying that if you're together with someone and you love him or her, no matter how old you get.. Your love will never fade :)

Just like my wonderful grandparents :) Sometimes, when i'm with my family, i happily observe the way we bond. And out of the corner of my eye, i see the way my grandma cares so much & the way  my grandfather keeps himself strong even with his sickness.. Back then, me and one of my closest cousin, used to observe our grandparents when ever they're all lovey dovey :) I guess i am genuinely happy as I see their eyes light up as they hold hands at some times, I hear their melodic laughs as they remember some moments with us, I smell the sincerity between their relationship, and I feel the love between their auras.. :) Although, at times i don't notice these between the two of them.. I know these things exist between them... 

But still, I know i'm lucky to have them both alive and kicking... It's not usual when you see a couple with the ages of 70+ still driving and walking around happily in our changing world :)

And this goes the same with my parents :) Although, something went seriously wrong between them back in the day, I know im just lucky that it's done.. We're all in a new episode now, and there will be no replays :) But moving on... 

I'm just praying that my parents continue going down to a straight path to their passionate love. :) 


rogue up! :)
-RoguishBlogger  


I proudly present to you.. My GRANDparents! :)) Oh, i love them :))

 
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